If you’ve been following me on social media here recently, you’ve probably noticed that my wife, Dani, has become much more involved in Red Family Photo over the past few months (putting the “family” in Red Family Photo amiright? *crickets* No? Okay then…).

While she has been working in the background of RFP for a while now, including editing my blog posts into something coherent that other humans might want to read, I’m excited that we are working together more to produce photos and content.

A major benefit of this is that RFP has the chance to offer a new perspective than just my own. Her perspective on things – like weddings – is different from my own.

Going forward, you will probably start seeing posts by both me and her on the blog. And what better topic to start with than talking about the photos of the day we got married?

So, with both of us sharing our thoughts and experiences, let's dive into our first collaborative post: wedding photo regrets. Dani will take it from here, sharing her perspective as the second photographer and why she has some reservations about our own wedding photos.

Photographer #2: Dani

As you might have guessed from the title of this post, I am not in love my wedding photos.

But before I go further, I want to say that the point of a wedding is not the photos – it’s the love and the celebration of a new chapter in the lives of two people and two families.

In the months leading up to our wedding, I was so focused on DIY decorations and making sure everything for the day was in perfect order that I neglected to put any effort into ensuring I would get photos that I could be proud of.

And in the 12 years since Jordan and I got married, I rarely find myself dusting off the photo album and reminiscing over our photos – instead, I rely on my memory to look back on the day and I wish I had better photos, especially as more and more years go by.

What do I not like about them?

For one thing, every image that we received from our wedding day was edited in sepia tones with heavy vignetting. In some scenarios, this can be very pretty and make a statement. Just…not on all of them.

The main color for our wedding was purple, with complimentary reds and oranges, and yellows that we meant to be a sort of sunset effect. Every one of these colors is muted.

Posing and helping us get comfortable in front of the camera was also a problem. In the pictures of the groomsmen in particular, most of the photos have a very somber look to them. That is not at all in line with my or Jordan’s personalities.

A wedding is that start of a new life together, a new journey. Photos that help us look back on the occasion should be lively and joyful as well as memorable.

I also don’t have any photos of me and Jordan together after the ceremony. Apart from one shot of our first dance and a cake-cutting photos, there’s nothing.

A photo of us lovingly looking into each other’s eyes? Or laughing or just being together? Nada.

Now that Jordan and I are photographers ourselves, I feel this lack more than ever. The reason I’m writing this is to help brides and couples get the photos they want. Ones they can look back on in 5 years, 10 years, or 30 years and relive the day all over again.

What this post is not meant to do is bash our photographer. I believe she did the best job she was able to do. Could she have done better? Possibly. But more importantly, I think there was a breakdown of communication and missing pieces on my end. That is what I want to cover. Starting with…

Regret #1: Not knowing what I wanted

This is the first one on the list because everything else stems from this one problem.

I had no idea what kind of photos I wanted. To tell the truth, at that time, I probably couldn’t have named any different styles if she had asked. This is something that we should have talked about long before the wedding.

I was on Pinterest just about every day in the nine months leading up to my wedding. There is really no reason that I couldn’t have shown her some inspo pictures of other weddings to give her an idea of what I liked. Now that I have done some photography myself, I wonder if this is something that other brides face and try to take the time to ensure that I have a clear vision of what they want.

Regret #2: No post-ceremony pictures of me and Jordan

Because I had no idea what I wanted, I also had no idea how to work time into the itinerary for photos of Jordan and me together before our reception.

And let’s be honest - these are typically some of the best pictures taken at a wedding.

The love between two people who just signed on to be by each other’s side for the rest of their days comes through stronger in these photos than in anything else from the day. Plus, it’s a chance for the newly wedded couple to have a minute alone together (photographer notwithstanding).

After our ceremony, we took pictures of our big family and bridal party and went straight into the reception. No photos of me and Jordan together. And of course, those are the photos that I most with I had.

Regret #3: Accepting a recommendation from a family member

That subtitle is a little on the side of clickbait. Let me explain.

Building off of how I didn’t have any idea that there were different styles of photography, I also subconsciously thought a camera was a camera. When I began planning my and Jordan’s wedding, a family member recommended a friend who had a camera and was willing to work for us at a steep discount.

I thought “Great! One item off the neverending to-do list!” Surely if someone knows how to use a camera, their photos will come out just as good as another photographer’s, right?

Yeah, I should have known better and I should have vetted further.

I should have asked to see her past work and compared it against the Pinterest board I obsessed over every day.

Regret #4: Not asking for re-edits after receiving the photos

Once the day is over, there is nothing even the best photographer can do to reclaim past moments. He or she can’t hop back in a time machine to retake a photo of a couple walking down the aisle or get a shot of the couple’s mothers tearing up during the vows or any other of the million tiny moments that occur on a wedding day. I know that.

However, when I received my photos in sepia with all the vignettes, I knew instantly that I didn’t like them. I should have said something then.

The same photographer did engagement and bridal sessions for us in the months leading up to our wedding. Both sessions resulted in bright, vibrant photos that retained all the colors of the day. Because of this, I expected similar results in the wedding photos.

Some photographers have a strict no-reedits policy and I think this is by and large justified. I now understand that when you hire a photographer, you are hiring them partly for their style. Not to be too cliche about it, but photographers are artists, and hiring them is trusting them to capture the magic of the day.

In our case though, what I received stood in stark contrast to the work I had already seen from her.

When I saw them, I should have (respectfully!) reached out to her and requested to receive the photos in another editing style. That she delivered them the way they were was a failure on her part. That I never communicated my desire for something different was mine.

Conclusion

Now that I am in the photography business myself, I would like to make it my mission to bring our clients’ visions to life. If they aren’t sure what the vision is – like I wasn’t – then it is our job to help them discover it.

Some people may argue that a wedding is not meant to be a photo shoot and you shouldn’t worry about the social media cred of the pictures.

And they’re right. The point of a wedding is not to have a really expensive studio for a day – it’s about the first day of a new life for two people. A wedding is a beautiful and profound event. And I know from firsthand experience that many brides are incredibly stressed on the day of their wedding and they can leave the event feeling like it was one frenzied blur of activity.

That’s the point of the photos. To have something to look back on when the dust settles and the vendor bills are paid and they embark on their new journey together. The years will pass and the memories will fade, but the photos never will.

Let’s make them good ones.

-Dani

Why I Regret My Wedding Photos (By Dani)